I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
