If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
