at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
