Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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