I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
