Someone shit on the floor
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
