it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
