I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
