ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Shame - the story of my life.
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