I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
and you fell through a lawn chair
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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