I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
