im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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