Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
