I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
