i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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