Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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