i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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