Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
