Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
