do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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