Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
