i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
