dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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