i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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