Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
