She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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