They should really pass out barf bags in church
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
