Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I am mentally ready for anal.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
