Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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