just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
so let's talk penis.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
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I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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