In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
