So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
