Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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