the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
