highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
