I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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