I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
