M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
where am i from again
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
