she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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