out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
