idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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