no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
