ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
