He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
