I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
