So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She's the barista slut.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
