I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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