Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
