This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
