Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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