Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
