I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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