Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
