I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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