just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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