if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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