Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
