Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
