yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
