The maid of honor just puked.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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