You made me cry and you don't even care
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
