Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
the liver wants what the liver wants
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
