I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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