I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
