Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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