hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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