with your own penis?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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