i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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